Monday, September 9, 2013

this knot in my stomach will go away.

For 2 months we were back on track.  We were happy, open, honest and giving to each other.  I was also delusional.  In those moments I felt happy but now that it's gone I see how lost and wrong I was.  You had been lying to me this whole time and acting disrespectful.  I knew the whole time but somehow validated it in my head.  Somehow, I convinced myself that I deserved it and that it will eventually stop.  I kept hoping that you would start showing interest in my life.  That last conversation we had on the phone really opened my eyes to how little you know about my life.  We had been together for 3 years and you have no idea what I do when I'm not around you.  You made up your mind that I do nothing and have no passions, but have you ever asked me?  No.  You have no idea that I am passionate about yoga and go to classes about twice a week or more if I can.  You have no idea that I am looking into the teacher training for yoga.  You have no idea that I have an etsy shop that I sell things on.  You have no idea that I have a blog that I write my feeling in.  You have no idea that I meet up with a meditation group every Monday or volunteer with a Phoenix Co-Op.  Just because I don't act or sing or play in a band doesn't mean I don't have passions.  My passions do not have to be the same as yours to make them worthy.  Your ignorance will get the best of you. 

I am starting fresh as of today.  I deserve respect from my significant other.  I deserve someone who takes an interest in my life and meeting my friends and spending time at my house.  I deserve someone who wants to compromise.

The idea you have in your head of who I am is so wrong and I just can't care anymore.  You will never really listen to me and you will never really respect me.  You don't know how to respect people.

Our relationship will never get better.  You will never find happiness with the way you currently view relationships.

This knot in my stomach will go away. And I am strong enough to forgive you with time but for now I need to get away.

Friday, September 6, 2013

as you get older

It's so strange when you see someone doing something wrong.  When I was a child and I saw someone doing something wrong, I didn't want them to get away with it so I would tell on them in hopes that they would get in trouble and be punished for what they did.  As I get older I realize that when I see someone doing something wrong, I don't want them to be punished for it, I want them to make the realization for themselves that they are better than that and make the change.  I want people to want to be good to others.  I want everyone to respect each other.  If you love someone, you should respect them.  I have never understood why someone could lie and deceive someone that they love.  I see it happening and I hope with all of my being that you will fix this and be a better person.  Please.  Please be good to one another.  Please treat each other with respect.  Understand that upsetting someone with the truth is better than that person finding out that you have been lying the whole time.  You can't earn back trust as easy as you can forgive someone for a decision you don't agree with.  Please be good to the people you love.  They deserve it and so do you.