Thursday, November 29, 2012


There are a lot of things happening in my life.  There are a lot of things I am looking forward to.  There is a lot for me to be thankful for.  I am trying to bring back that excited feeling I used to get when a new opportunity would present itself.  I feel like I am just running through the motions of life and doing the bare minimum so that everyone thinks I am okay.  I nod and smile but I don't participate.  I just feel like I can't.  It's my own damn fault for putting myself through this again but that doesn't make it hurt any less.  I am tired of breaking.  I am tired of fighting.  I want nothing more than for life to make sense.

Last night I received an incredible gift from an old friend.  We were best friends but in the end of the relationship I wasn't a very nice person and didn't give anyone a chance to explain themselves.  I always get this awful feeling of sadness and disappointment when I look back on situations involving conflict.  I am always the bad guy.  I always react without thinking it through.  I am impatient and want answers and resolution immediately.  Why do I push away the people who love me?  Why do I make it so hard for people to love me?

I'd like to snap out of this.  Any day now, please?  I leave next week for a work trip and I will be gone for 2 weeks.  I hope I can take that time and turn it into something therapeutic and reflect a little on what my life has become and the path I am on.

No comments:

Post a Comment