Tuesday, December 4, 2012


Jealousy is an awful trait.  Last night I went out with  my best friend and our other girlfriend was performing at the venue we were at.  So we all spent time together.  The girl who was performing brought one of her really good guy friends with her.  When she had to go prepare to perform we hung out with her guy friend.  It seemed like he didn't know anyone else and we were just sitting around a bar having a beer.  We were all just joking around and having a great time.  It was a completely platonic encounter with a guy.  When I meet people I consider them my friend.  Maybe I am too trusting?  Maybe not.  I feel like the right thing to do is give everyone an opportunity to be a part of your life as a friend.  I mean how can someone decide that they don't want to make anymore friends for the rest of their life?  That seems crazy.  Anyway, after the show I was yelled at and told that I was a slut and that I was flirting with this person by the person I WANT to be with.  It's not right.  I was angry because I know I didn't do anything wrong.  He makes a judgement of a person before he even speaks to them.  He saw me sitting with 2 girlfriends and one guy and immediately decided that I was being disrespectful.  This isn't the first time this has happened.  I was upset.  I was angry.  I was more than angry.  I can't even think of a word to fit the emotion I was feeling.  I don't know how many times I can remind him that he is the only person I want to be with.  He's the only guy that matters.  All I want is to spend time with him.  All I want is to be with him and have fun with him.  Last night was supposed to be a night where him and I spent time together.  I waited around for him but he chose to hang out with other people.  So instead of getting angry, sad, and to avoid feeling let down, I spent time with my friends. This post is extremely scattered.  That's how I am feeling right now.  I'm scattered and confused on what I want.  I leave in 2 days and will not see him for a month.  I think this will give me some perspective.  I hope it does.  I need answers and I know they will only come from myself.  


  1. Hi, I'm Jessica my blog is: www.buttonsnbows101.blogspot.com
    and I found your blog through keiko lynn.
    And anyways, I totally agree with you that sometimes people act like their happy with their friends and make no effort to make more friends. I'm totally like you that I'm constantly looking at everyone as a possible friend!
    I hope everything works out with this guy, bringing yourself away from a situation always gives you time to think and clear your head:)

  2. Time away has definitely been helpful. I have had a lot to think about. Thank you for the helpful words!