Tuesday, January 1, 2013

no more chances-2013

A few nights ago I agreed to make plans with my ex for New Years.  It was pure stupidity on my part.  I was feeling lonely and obviously I still love him.  We have spent the past 2 NYE together and in love.  Well, like always it turned into tears and disappointment.  I canceled on all of my friends and turned down a trip to Santa Barbara for him.  Last night (New Year's Eve) I was on the brink of tears almost the whole night.  I was surrounded by people who love me but I couldn't help but feel like a fool for letting this person do it again.  I decided that my resolution is to cut him off.  100% no contact.  I did the silly things like block him on Facebook which made me feel better but I also told him he has to stop trying to contact me because I can't do it anymore.  Not to blame him but I cave every time he contacts me.  I can't help it.  It's time for me to focus on me and stop allowing myself to be constantly disappointed by this person because I can't let go.  I have to let him go.  I know I will never stop loving him but I have to stop letting him into my life.  He doesn't respect me or treat me right.  This is it.  2013 is my year to heal and move on.  I am young and have so much to give.  I was talking to a friend last night about it before going out and our conversation was pretty inspiring.  Essentially she said that we are young and allowed to be stupid and that if your heart doesn't hurt you can't grow.  She's right.

No comments:

Post a Comment