comfort zone

My brain works in funny ways.  I am definitely a creature of habit.  I don't like to step out of my comfort zone very often.  I like my routine, my friends, my favorite places to eat, and my favorite bar to hangout at.  I live in an area that is populated by a lot of musicians.  I am always in awe of the musical talent I am surrounded by.  I love to go to shows and support my friends who are in bands. (a good chunk of them are in bands)  I never really thought of joining a band myself.  The idea of it has always freaked me out.  I play two instruments...kind of 3 instruments, the flute, the piccolo, and the piano.  I can admit it, I am talented in the music department.  I have a really great ear. I've been able to hear a song and then mimic it on the piano since I was about 4 years old.  But the idea of "jamming" on my flute or the piano with other people has totally freaked me out.  I think I am too worried about what other people will think or too self conscious, or just reluctant to step out of my comfort zone.  Last month I was presented with the opportunity to play with a local band that has been around for awhile and help them create "orchestra" versions of their songs.  For whatever reason I was feeling daring that day and agreed to do it.  Our first practice was two weeks ago. I faced my fears and went, not knowing what to expect.  It was fun but I was too nervous to really know if I was doing anything right.  So our second practice was the other day and it was a smaller group of people in a smaller practice space.  It was a practice with four of my friends that I consider really great musicians.  Needless to say I was a nervous wreck.  I was the only concert instrument that showed up that wasn't a guitar so you could hear me. (I guess that's the point?) Anyway, I was horribly nervous for about half of the time and then finally started to get the hang of it.  I'm totally addicted now.  I can't wait for the next practice.  I feel so inspired.  I just want to write songs and play music all the time.  Stepping out of the comfort zone is something I am really trying to make a point in doing more often and so far it's paying off.  I will keep everyone updated as we practice more. 

busy

Some of my favorite days are the ones I spend moving nonstop.  Yesterday was a prime example.  I love the days that are most productive.  So for example, yesterday I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep so I went for a run and showered and ACTUALLY fixed my hair.  (I'm talking curling iron status) Then went to work and got a whole bunch of things done and left around 5 to go pick up a friend and rush off to band practice.  Then left band practice feeling great about the progress we made and picked up a burrito to go and scarfed it down at home and cleaned for about 45 minutes.  Then left for a bar called Lost Leaf to meet a friend for a drink and then returned home an hour and a half later and went to bed.  It was a good day.  What is your ideal day?  Do you have certain days that are unusually busy for you?  Also, below is a picture of my burrito from yesterday.  Yeah, it's bigger than my head.  I'm already dreaming about the leftovers for dinner tonight.

this family of mine

How did I get so lucky to meet such an incredible group of friends.  I feel so special to have such a close knit group to call my friends.  These people feel more like family and know me better than anyone.

friendship

There are a million words swirling around my brain about the past few days.  I can not figure out a way to put this to paper.  On that note I have a question or two that I would like answers and advice from you on.

Can you be friends with an ex? (like an ex that you were with for 2.5 years and lived with for a year and helped raise his child and then it all ended in a messy really sad breakup)

If it's possible, how soon is too soon for the above?

 I'd like to hear your thoughts and maybe it will help me articulate what I am feeling a little more.

currently reading and feeling

It's been a little while since I've written anything in here.  Things are going well.  I have always appreciated the time I have with my friends but something has changed in me.  When I spend time with them this overwhelming feeling overcomes me and I just want to soak everything in.  I've been less worried about things that happened in the past or what will happen in the future and more focused on embracing what is happening right now.  I want to live fully in the present moment and the more I make myself aware of that, the more appreciation I have been feeling for the small things in life.

Now that my marathon of work trips is coming to an end, I feel refreshed and ready for the next step.  This is it.  I am taking the next step with the little choices I make every day.

Just by making the decision in my head to move on and stop holding on to past feelings I can already feel the difference in myself and see the difference in the way I interact with people.  I have met some incredible people and have some amazing people to call my friends.

I started reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it is really inspiring me.  I need to find someone who has read it or is in the process of reading it.  I really want to talk about this book with someone.  I highly recommend it.

This post is a little all over the place.  Sorry.  That's just how my life is right now.  A little here, a little there.

resolutions

I never take my resolutions seriously.  I always jot down a little list of things on New Year's Eve and then never go back to it.  As I am getting older, I am starting to really be able to recognize things I need to work on and things I am really great at.  I took a few days and decided to really think about my resolutions for the next year and try to make something out of it.  Try to make some changes in my life to better me as a person.

Balance- Strive for balance in my life with work, family, friends, hobbies, and alone time.

Acceptance/Realistic Goals- Work on setting attainable goals and making my ideas and project really happen.

Blocking Out The Negativity- people, things, my own judgements.  *not worrying about other peoples negativity*

Eat Healthier/Put Thought Into Meals- Plan out my lunch and dinner.  Try to eat breakfast more often.  Eat more vegetables and fruit.

Make More- Make gifts, make meals, make things instead of buying things, start and etsy shop with my creations.

Move Forward- Don't let past feeling hold me back.  It's time to let go of what did not work and mve forward. (recognize that I deserve better and set that standard)

Stay Creative- Make more, take more pictures, listen to more music, write more, be in the moment, surround myself with inspiring people, seize every opportunity to try something new.

Drink less coffee and more tea,  Act on my need for spontaneity.  Approach people more often.  Always say hello to friends and acquaintances.  Maintain a clean office and home.  Take more trips.  Keep making strides towards my future.

What are some of your resolutions?  Any thoughts?

I hope everyone has a wonderful 2013.

no more chances-2013

A few nights ago I agreed to make plans with my ex for New Years.  It was pure stupidity on my part.  I was feeling lonely and obviously I still love him.  We have spent the past 2 NYE together and in love.  Well, like always it turned into tears and disappointment.  I canceled on all of my friends and turned down a trip to Santa Barbara for him.  Last night (New Year's Eve) I was on the brink of tears almost the whole night.  I was surrounded by people who love me but I couldn't help but feel like a fool for letting this person do it again.  I decided that my resolution is to cut him off.  100% no contact.  I did the silly things like block him on Facebook which made me feel better but I also told him he has to stop trying to contact me because I can't do it anymore.  Not to blame him but I cave every time he contacts me.  I can't help it.  It's time for me to focus on me and stop allowing myself to be constantly disappointed by this person because I can't let go.  I have to let him go.  I know I will never stop loving him but I have to stop letting him into my life.  He doesn't respect me or treat me right.  This is it.  2013 is my year to heal and move on.  I am young and have so much to give.  I was talking to a friend last night about it before going out and our conversation was pretty inspiring.  Essentially she said that we are young and allowed to be stupid and that if your heart doesn't hurt you can't grow.  She's right.